1. Anyone who hung around the hospital the day you were born.
2. Friends of the family referred to as “Uncle [name]” or “Aunt [name]”.
3. BFFs, “bros,” and spouses thereof.
DEFINITELY, IF IT’S POSSIBLE
5. Camp bunkmates who didn’t make the bridesmaid cut.
6. Co-workers and friends who are entertaining drunks.
7. Charismatic teachers/professors who went the extra mile to inspire you in high school/college.
8. Friends’ significant others who are known for getting the party started.
9. Vince Vaughn.
10. Co-workers and friends who are promiscuous drunks.
11. Co-workers and friends who are scandalous drunks.
ONLY IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT
12. Co-workers who are politically expedient.
13. Former co-workers.
14. Nonthreatening exes.
ONLY IF IT WOULD BE A PAIN NOT TO
15. Friends from high school with whom you can only talk about how fat everyone else from high school got after graduation.
16. Friends from college with whom you can only talk about how drunk everyone else in college got before graduation.
17. Your boss.
18. Your parents’ former spouses.
19. Friends’ significant others who are known for getting arrested.
20. Children under 16 to whom you are not biologically related.
21. Torch-carrying exes.
22. The guy whom you used to refer to as “Uncle [name]” until you found out he’s your actual father and your family has been lying to you about it for 25 years.
24. Loan sharks.
25. Charismatic teachers/professors who went the extra mile to inspire you in high school/college because they’re sexual predators.
26. Bounty hunters.