Steal My Nightstand

Author ofSex Diaries: Real-Life Stories of Non-Monogamy and Polyamory(forthcoming)

Photo: Alyssa Shelasky

I have two young kids and zero privacy so I have to be discreet. On top, I keep books that I reference often but also books that make me feel part of something. (I don’t have many writer friends, let alone sex-writer friends.)Sexy Haikuis an old, random find, probably from a stoop — every page is a pure delight. TheGoop Viva La Vulva vibehas gone undetected (so far) as anything but a cool, turquoise ceramic. I’m honestly not sure how it’s properly meant to work, but in my experience, there’s no right or wrong. I can’t function without my glasses, so I have several pairs scattered nearby. They’re all Caddis or Warby Parker, and none bring me any joy, but I feel too guilty buying more. (Theseare the ones I want, in case Rachel Comey is reading.) I want to be the woman who moisturizes before bed, but the truth is I’ve never openedthis lotion. I just believe in the brand because ofits cleansing balm, which I’m very attached to, not that anyone asked. I’m not domestic whatsoever, but this lavenderlinen spraymakes me feel like I am; I spritz in the morning after I make the bed and at night before I crawl in. Samin Nosrat’sGood Thingsbrings great energy, home cook or not (not). My partner keeps such deep, political, intellectual books on his side, so I have to balance that out with happy books only.

Inside the drawer, I keep a little bottle ofMaude Lube. I’m an extremely loyal person, and I guess that translates to lube, because I refuse to try any other brand. Speaking of loyalty, I’ve wornCosabella brasfor 15 years; this bodysuit is a sexy thing with a built-in bra (a must). I’m saving it for a rainy day. Goop’sFix and Restore balm: My feet are violently dry so my partner, gently, gifted me this for my birthday. Medicine Mama’sLips Stickcomes highly recommended by a perimenopausal friend. I love the packaging and that it can live in there incognito. Also, the nightstand isWest Elm— and she’s perfectly, and quietly, apartment-size.

Writer and journalist

Photo: Sophia June

I’ve always loved the psychological underpinnings of a good nightstand and, in 2022, started a now-defunct Instagram where I’d post nightstands of people me and my friends went home with. (The best one had a copy ofAttachedon his nightstand.) My boyfriend, Conor, is an artist and made the painting, which is calledBlue Note. I fell in love with the painting before I fell in love with him. About a year into dating, he gave it to me (and hung it — the real gift!).

This tiny blue bottle with the star sticker is herbal poppers my best friend Kim makes. I had to respectfully graduate from using the drug at the club, but I still enjoy a hit of lemongrass and whatever else she put in here. She also gave me thepalo santo sticks (from Alive Herbals on Nostrand Avenue),which I burn in myMary-Kate and Ash Tray, available from THNK1994.The box of matches is from Monkey Bar.

Playground Love Sesh Lube has no bells or whistles or cooling or heating and isn’t edible and doesn’t have CBD. It’s totally functional, and if a friend stays the night, I don’t feel like I have to hide the bottle. My most important nighttime routine is a dollop of Aquaphor on my lip and a big squirt of Aesop body balm on my hands. No single product has ever made me feel richer.

I like to keep poetry and short stories on my nightstand, along with whatever I’m reading. I got this first-edition copy ofRosemary’s Babyon my friend Sierra’s bachelorette trip in New Orleans.Like a Beggar, by Ellen Bass, is a poetry collection that’s really satisfying to read before bed. I feel the same way aboutWhere I’m Calling From, by Raymond Carver.Story of My Life,by Jay McInerney, is one of my favorite books, and the precocious voice of 19-year-old socialite Alison Poole is one of the inspirations for my novel.

ThePhillips Wake Up Lighthas given me a decent chance at a healthy relationship with my phone. The clock starts emitting light (crucial in a cavernous room) and I wake up before the alarm ever goes off. And thank you to my aughtsTV Guidefeaturing Kim Cattrall, as well as Our Lady of Guadalupe, for watching over me while I sleep.

Creative director and editorofDRAFTING (W/ RUN-A-MUCK)andWHO’S THAT?

Photo: Justin Moran

I spend very little time in my bedroom beyond sleeping. I’m single, live alone, and try to keep things simple — it shows in my bedside table. The framed artwork is a fan’s reimagining of myPAPERChristina Aguilera cover: a full downward dog. A small silver container labeled for poppers, a gift from Tanner Fletcher, sits there too. I rotate between scents, but my current obsession is Gabe Gordon’s Hardbody with notes of latex and leather. The same Canon Powershot I used in middle school. And when I’m not doomscrolling in bed, I read — Patty Schemel’s memoir is an all-time favorite.

Author and professor

Photo: Melissa Febos

My wife and I have matching AllModern nightstands. Hers is her business; mine is mainly a bookstand with an assortment of current and imminent (and languishing) reads. On top is a basic alarm clock from DreamSky, as recommended by the Strategist. It also holds my eye mask (the Slip — I usually have two in rotation), charging phone, Kindle, reading glasses, and possibly my night-guard case. Inside, I’ve got an assortment of pens (Muji, Le Pen) and pencils, earplugs, a silk hair bonnet (also the Slip), two vibrators (Je Joue), lube (Astroglide), a headlamp (Black Diamond), Kindle remote page-turning device, batteries, two pots of lip mask (Laneige), body lotion (Sachajuan in Spicy Citrus), silk scrunchies, and a bunch of alcohol wipes from United flights because I travel a lot and always empty and sanitize my suitcase in front of the nightstand.

Design editor, art director, author ofFUSSY

Photo: Sean Santiago

My water glass is a Gio Ponti–inspired design by Hudson Wilder. Love that thick base — stable and pleasing to the eye. I keep a mishmash of things organized on a mini porcelain tray from La DoubleJ that says “GAY.” I keep my bite guard handy, Überlube (the cutestlube), and Dior’sOud Ispahan, a really musky rose that makes you want to be face deep in someone’s neck, as well as a tiny vase from Svenskt Tenn in Stockholm. After visiting Japan last year, I pretty much only keep dried hydrangeas around.

All of the body lotions and potions from Necessaire are great, if only because they have the most displayable packaging, which is 80 percent of why I buy a thing. I use the body retinol primarily for addressing my rough elbows, though I am really trying to get in the habit of full-bodymoisturization.

I read a lot, still, and have been very unsexily into books on economics, which I think is a nice sort-of-dispassionate lens onto how a society collapses. Unlike onHeated Rivalry, the mechanics of the gay sex I have are very real. Hence, the Njoy dildo is more for preparation than pleasure. The shape is pretty self-explanatory: start with the smaller end and work your way up to gooning out on the larger. Then you’re ready to go! (Can I say “gooning”?) Lube is great for toys but I try to minimize it during sex. I guess when it comes to bottoming, my perspective is very Elle Woods–ian: What, like it’s hard?

Writer and artist

Photo: Sophie Browning

Once we’re in bed, my fiancé and I take our evening meds and read for about 30 minutes side by side. He’s currently readingMoby-Dick, and I’m reading Georges Bataille’sEroticism: Death and Sensuality. Bataille explores the connection between death and sex, arguing that the sexual act, in which two separate beings physically become one, results in the symbolic “death” of the individual. As a lover of the macabre and the gothic, I find this idea of losing yourself in your beloved incredibly romantic. I also haveA Literate Passion: Letters of Anais Nin and Henry Milleron my nightstand, up next in my reading queue.

While I like my nightstand to look aesthetically pleasing, the items on the surface and the contents of its drawers are pretty personal and have some sentimental value. Besides the books, I have a little cherub porcelain case that belonged to my mother (I haven’t found anything to fill it with yet), a Diptyque candle gifted to me by my fiancé’s parents, a hair comb from Officine Universelle Buly that I got engraved in Tokyo, and aroom-and-body spray from Carpe Noctem Candle Co., a gothic-inspired candle shop from my hometown in Minnesota. The spray is called Original Sin, and it’s meant to smell like the biblical forbidden fruit. It’s sickly sweet and seductive, and it reminds me of home.

I have a mini-bottle of this pheromone-infused essential-oil perfume that I don’t necessarily want on display. I’ve actually never used it, but it’s supposed to make you sexually irresistible by enhancing your natural pheromones. It’s actually a family heirloom of sorts: a product created by my fiancé’s aunt. While I’ve thought about using it for fun, my fiancé, who grew up around bottles of the stuff, has joked that it would probably have the opposite effect on him.

Artist, writer, co-founder ofDream Baby Press

Photo: Matt Starr

I try my best to read poetry before I fall asleep or watch videos about space. One connects me to myself and the other connects me to the universe. I’m reading a lot of Leonard Cohen poetry right now. They’re the perfect type of poems to read at night with a dim lamp, or a reading light is enough. The wooden table next to my bed was handmade by my dad, who first introduced me to Leonard’s music when I was a kid, so everything next to me is all very connected and special.

Before I go to sleep, I smell my bottle of Oud Lubon, which was Leonard Cohen’s perfume, made by his personal perfumer, Mandy Aftel, who gave it to me. It’s a very sexy dark, woody, sensual smell, and I feel like it follows me into my dreams. It’s all about sensuality. The poems, the scent. It’s for myself and for my dreams. It’s not for anyone else.

I go to sleep around 11 p.m. I wake up at 5:45 a.m. I smell the perfume, meditate, drink coffee, put on a record, write some poems and then go work out.

Journalist, editor, founder ofPleasure-Seeking

Photo: Camille Sojit Pejcha

On my nightstand, I keep everything I’d reach for during an evening in bed, from books and hand lotion to lube, massage oil, and sex toys. I also keep a few symbolic talismans and mood-setting objects, like a mix of real and flameless candles and a stiletto-shaped whiskey decanter that’s perfect for a late-night pour.

When I’m winding down on a night alone, I like to keep my journal — a marble-edged leatherjournal— close by, along with a book (I just finishedA Spy in the House of Love, by Anaïs Nin, and am starting Larissa Pham’sDiscipline). As a sex columnist, I also keep an edit of intimate products within reach, including a few favorite lubes — the silicon-based Überlube and Vella’s Super Slip & Slide are current standbys — and sex toys like Lelo’s Soraya, a powerful and beautifully designed rabbit vibe.

I’m also a fan of Maude’s water-based lube and its massage candle, a multifunctional, romantic mood-setter that melts into a surprisingly nice massage oil. Lately, I’ve started wearing perfume to bed, which feels indulgent and is a habit I’d recommend to anyone trying to cultivate more sensory pleasure. My current favorite is La Davina, by my friend Marissa Zappas, which is named after the first Roman courtesan to achieve celebrity status, followed closely by Portrait of a Lady, by Frédéric Malle.

Because I write about sex parties and nightlife for my newsletter,Pleasure-Seeking, partying is technically part of my job — which means I’m often crawling into bed a little tipsy around 4 a.m. On those nights, my routine goes out the window, so I keep a few practical essentials nearby:Olaplex hair oil, a Tatcha lip mask, and something to corral my jewelry. Right now, that’s a gold candelabra that conveniently holds most of my necklaces. If I’ve been drinking, I’ll take ZBiotics, which helps with hangovers and works by breaking down the toxic byproduct of alcohol while you sleep.

My favorite item on the nightstand — and easily the rarest — is a lamp fitted with a vintage, religiously themed lightbulb by the 20th-century manufacturer Aerolux. The bulbs were once sold for about 20 cents and came in an array of colors with sculptural filaments shaped like flowers, birds, and religious figures. I learned about them from an ex-boyfriend, immediately became obsessed, and scoured the internet for one that still works. It’s really beautiful up close, and reminds me that things really used to be made better back in the day — but you can still find treasures if you know where to look.

Writer and senior editor atPlayboy

Photo: Magdalene Taylor

My bed is rather strictly used for only a few things: reading, sleeping, and sex. Oh, and the nightly hour of scrolling and ASMR that I require before I fall asleep. Before the scrolling, though, I do have a few little routines. I spray my stomach with a probably useless magnesium spray I bought the one and only time I’ve made a TikTok Shop purchase and spritz my pillow with this Neom Perfect Night’s Sleep mist. I might put a little Tuttofare tallow balm on my lips or on my knuckles, which crack in the winter. Sorry, I know tallow balm is annoying, but it works for ultradry skin. I also always sleep with a big ole jug of water next to me.

I like to read at least a chapter once I get into bed. I’m right at the end ofSkinny Dip, by Carl Hiaasen, which is a silly little romp. I needed something light, and perhaps less consciously also something evocative of Floridian humidity and warmth. I am also reading Georges Bataille’sErotism. I know you’re probably like,Is this bitch actually reading Bataille right now or is that just for show?But I swear I am!

My fiancé and I use condoms. There are approximately 84 of them in this drawer right now. We routinely buy Trojan Ultra-Thins because they’re affordable and widely available. ONE Flex Graphene Condoms are another favorite, and have a bizarre grey tint. This natural-period-care company called Flo also makes these XO! condoms that are surprisingly great.

Writer and editor

Photo: Drew Zeiba

I have this transparent Ghost Buster table designed by Philippe Starck. I got it on, I think, Craigslist, and it was in pretty mint condition till a subletter did God knows what to it. Now the surface is warped. I consistently have, on top, a few things. Critically, there’s my Braun analog alarm clock. It was really cheap. Having an alarm clock and keeping your phone nowhere near your bed is probably one of the most amazing gifts you can give yourself.

I journal every morning. I’ve been using these Pilot Varsity fountain pens that I discovered throughOttessa Moshfegh’s Strategist story; they have helped my handwriting significantly. Then I read for a little. On top of the table are books I’m currently reading. I’m usually reading two to four books at a given moment. Right now I’m reading Mario Levrero’sLa Novela Luminosa, rereading parts ofJoy Williams’sHarrow, reading Samuel R. Delany’sHeavenly Breakfast: An Essay on the Winter of Love(recommended to me by the playwright Maya Martinez), and zipping through Michel Foucault’sThe History of Sexuality Volume 1. A little bit ago a friend with benefits and I decided to demote our “situationship” to a critical-theory reading group of two — to replace sex with discourse about discourse on sex, or whatever. This attempt at diva-zoning backfired. Now I’m using our marriage license as a bookmark. Maybe Foucault is rolling over in his grave, I dunno. Love is alive!

I’ve also got this cute little plastic dish with some bright colored leaves and a bird that I bought in a nearby dollar store on Mulberry Street. I keep my jewelry in it. I’ve also left some errant pills in there: a half-bitten Seroquel, a Klonopin, and a couple generic Truvada. There’s also Vaseline on the nightstand. It’s a billion degrees below zero so I’ve constantly gotta slather my lips but, also, although I’m a pretty big devotee to the problematic notion that spit counts as lube, sometimes you need a little something, and since I’m on PrEP and off condoms, Vaseline will do.

I’ve left some Cetaphil Restoraderm Rapid Relief Cream on the nightstand I see (great if you’ve got hand eczema) and some ScarAway silicon scar gel (great if you’re a klutz). And there’s this wired dimmer switch I’ve got, which goes to my Castiglioni Lampadina lamp on my window sill — it’s more romantic to not have the light right in your face.

At some point the books inside here piled up however they did and now they feel like their own mise-en-scène so I’ve let them be for a while. I’ve read them all. On top right now is Hervé Guibert’sMausoleum of Lovers. It’s sad and sexy. I like to dip in and out of it throughout the week for a gay little reset to the brain.

Oh, turns out there is lube. I got it at this sex store on the Bowery that I can’t recommend but is one minute from my apartment. And I notice some Super Rush poppers. I and my guest stars don’t always use them, in fact I don’t think I’ve sniffed any for a few weeks, but it’s nice to have them handy.

Writer and critic at Stereogum

Photo: Danielle Chelosky

My bedroom is a sacred place full of too many pretty objects. At the top shelf of my nightstand, I have an antique box of tarot-card decks, sage, matches from KGB Bar, crystals, and a pink shoelace a man had once brought to a rendezvous to fulfill my fantasy of being tied up (he didn’t end up using it; I keep it as a reminder even though there’s bad blood between us now). Also a German edition of Kafka’sThe Judgmentand a French edition of Duras’sThe Lover. I don’t know German or French but that’s not important. On the shelf beneath it, I usually keep books that I haven’t read but am very curious about in order to motivate myself to finish whatever book I’m reading at the moment. As for my beautiful vibrator, I recently had the revelation that wands weren’t for me and I prefer a sex toy that looks more like a dick than a microphone. I have a lot of makeup yet only ever bother with eye glitter, mascara, and eyeliner, usually only when going out at night to party. My choice of jewelry consists of two fan-made 2hollis bracelets from Etsy; I wear them for good luck.

Writer, editor, and documentary filmmaker

Photo: Michael Bullock

I don’t have a traditional nightstand — I use the open cubby built into a USM Haller bed-desk my fiancé designed during COVID. It’s a two-and-a-half-foot-deep compartment right under my head, so everything is hidden but within reach when I’m half-asleep. Jungle Juice Black Label (my go-to) and the classic yellow Rush. Astroglide water-based lube — I like the curved, ergonomic bottle; it’s genuinely smart design and easy to grab in the dark. A wrestling singlet from the Victor Barragán x Sniffies collaboration. I wrestled in high school (third in the state). The sport was the beginning of my erotic life; the singlet brought me full-circle. It’s printed withfauxsweat and cum stains and has a tiny phone pocket — the perfect thing to wear to a sex party. The singlet was a gift from the singlet designer. I traded Victor for a rare book calledKharabat, by Iranian artist Farhad Qashqai, who compiled hundreds of images that combine the homoerotic and hypermasculine from a country where sex acts between consenting male partners can result in the death penalty.

Many of the books in the cubby are queer cruising classics —City of Night,Hogg,Bag of Toys,The Lure,Urban Gothic,Tricks,The Diary of a Sugar Baby. They’re all about the glory and darkness of gay hedonism, desire, and the erotic underground. I love sleeping with the energy of this decadence under my head.

Writer and filmmaker

Photo: Erin Taylor

Writer

Photo: Ryan Petersen

The items in my nightstand drawer are either practical or sentimental. A lint roller, nail clippers, my passport, a two-year-old Christmas card, a music box that plays “Edelweiss,” a handful of pink photobooth pictures of my friend Matt and me (taken at the Pioneer Works art-book fair). Growing up, my mom kept a similar kind of junk drawer. She’d always have to sift through my preschool fingerpaintings just to find the Scotch tape. I’m proud to keep her legacy of emotional clutter alive.

The silicone lubricant in my drawer has a CVS sticker on it, though I’m almost certain I didn’t buy it. The Jungle Juice Platinum poppers I do remember buying at a Hell’s Kitchen bodega a few years ago. I don’t know a ton about poppers, but someone once told me Jungle Juice was a “top-shelf brand,” so I went with that. In reality, my fiancé and I don’t use much of either item, finding it more romantic to avoid outside tools.

I read Bataille’sErotism: Death and Sensualitywhile on vacation this past summer. The reissued cover felt a bit dull, so I tracked down the older edition on eBay with a papyrus font and Bernini’sEcstasy of Saint Teresaon the cover. Our bedroom has a hint of Catholicism to it (a Mexican charm cross rests on the shelf above my nightstand), so I thought it’d be appropriate to leave it on my nightstand for the time being. Above it is a recent purchase from Molasses Books that I’ve yet to start:St. Paul: A Screenplay, by Pier Paolo Pasolini, in keeping with the gay Catholic feng shui. An empty Avon Blacksmith’s Anvil aftershave decanter — purchased in a Kansas City consignment store — rests atop both books as a makeshift paperweight.

Writer and podcast host

Photo: Matthew Donovan

Most of what I need lives in the drawer. The nightstand itself stays pretty clear: just my phone charging and a water glass that I refill maybe twice before remembering to bring it back downstairs.

The reading light clips onto whatever book I’m working through. Right now it’sPerfection, by Vincenzo Latronico. The Playground Massage Oil is something I picked up after seeing it recommended in some Reddit thread about body-safe products. Next to it, the Playground lube in the pump bottle. I switched to Playground’s products after learning that most drugstore brands have glycerin, which can cause issues. Water-based matters if you care about what goes in your body or if you’re using silicone toys. The pump feels less apologetic than a squeeze tube. More matter-of-fact about what’s happening.

The condoms are Skyn Elite. Non-latex, which started as a practical thing from someone I was seeing, but now I actually prefer them. They’re thinner and I’ve never had anyone complain. I keep meaning to buy the variety pack to try different types, but I always forget until I’m already at someone’s place or they’re at mine and then it’s too late.

The vibrator is dead, so it’s in the back where you can’t see it. Never really used it. Same with the leather cock ring at the back of the drawer. I bought the cock ring on a whim but haven’t worn it yet. Knowing it’s an option changes something inside me, though.

There’s a disposable camera with “DO NOT DEVELOP” written on it in Sharpie. I shot a whole roll when I first started seeing men and new people after getting out of a relationship. I promised myself I would never develop it, but you can imagine all the people who have been in my bed just by seeing it sitting there. I will throw it away eventually. For now it just waits.

My phone charges on top because I need to see it. I’ve been on Feeld and Grindr for about a year, but not really, more so IRL casually dating, trying to figure out what I actually want versus what I thought I was supposed to want. I’m looking for love, I think, but I’m also just trying to understand what that means for me now.

Artist

Photo: Ann Hirsch

I don’t have a nightstand. I use the top drawer of my dresser as my defacto nightstand because my bedroom is too tiny for extra furniture. The contents:
underwear and bras (obviously). Passport. My Social Security card and, consequently, my identity were stolen eight years ago so I always make sure I know where my passport is. Vibrator. The person who stole my Social Security card also stole my vibrator. I was told by his employer that he probably took it for his girlfriend. She also tried to open a Neiman Marcus card in my name. I’ve permanently frozen my credit; it’s a big headache. I replaced the vibrator (not cheap!). Gum. Mace because of loose dogs in our neighborhood — this was the only weapon I could come up with to potentially fend off a pit bull. Probably not realistic. A couple of wigs, including a short black one I wore for my slutty Nathan Fielder Halloween costume two years ago. My husband has a Summit Ice jacket and I wore it with nothing underneath. My aunt’s cornbread recipe that I cook every year for Thanksgiving. She gave it to me when I got married, and I love her cornbread so much that I’ve always wanted to keep it safe. I digitized it last year but I prefer the hard copy. The digital is the backup because the hard copy is covered in cornmeal and oil now.

Actor and podcast host

Photo: Mo Fry Pasic

Nightstands are such hell. It’s this surface that’s supposed to aid in fostering a peaceful sleep environment but nearly always becomes a puritanical shame box for sex toys and pills. I, for one, celebrate a chaotic and sex-positive bedside with creature comforts. The spiritual pressure of feng shui andCalling in “the One”say my nightstand should feel simple, curated, and reflective of the life I want to live — but baby, they don’t tell you about the sovereignty of an AuDHD baddie with a nightstand full of chargers belonging to obsolete iPhones, skin-care tools, and sex toys that have surely been long disposed of. But maybe not! I don’t know! That’s why I have to keep the chargers.

I make sure to have face wipes and floss in my drawer, because sleep is hard to come by. If I’m sleepy and need to get up to wash my face or brush my teeth? Darling, I will be up until 4 a.m. I’m a clean person, but I have to work with me, you know?

Currently, I have two jars of gold paint and a sponge brush on the nightside table. I painted the bed a few weeks ago and I adore it, but it needs more than one coat and that doesn’t feel fun to do right now. I won’t do it if it’s not enjoyable because the whole point of painting the bed was to have a nice time and feel good.

I have aLoftie alarm clockthat is unplugged because I can’t find the cord, and if you think it’s one of the chargers in the drawer? You might be correct! But that’s none of my business. I mainly use it for its brown-noise setting. My nightstand serves to calm my nervous system knowing that even in my vulnerable sleep state, I have immediate access to pleasure, comfort, light, inspiration, and beauty.

Comic artist

Photo: Archie Bongiovanni

I’m a Taurus and hate change so I’ve been usingSutil Hathor Pure Lubesince I started my career in the sex-toy industry nine years ago. It’s good for your body, water-based so I can use it with toys, and silky without getting sticky. I have, however, switched from theOG Magic Wandto the newerMagic Wand Minibecause it’s lighter and easier to use with my delicate wrists (while still getting the job done). TheSinner Candlehas the sexiest scent (leather, duh) but mixed with other scents like vetiver so I can still get a BDSM dungeon feel while matching my floral wallpaper. As a genderqueer person entering my 40s, I feel the looming presence of perimenopause. I’d like to decenter heteronormative medical care as it’s not always relatable to my body or my experiences, so I’m really excited about diving into this book that has a gender-inclusive lens.

[Editor’s Note:Sweatgasm: A Sexy, Queer, Truth or Dare Game, pictured top left, was written and illustrated by Bongiovanni.]

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