My Hunt for a Modern-Day Pantaloon
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Getting dressed in early fall is one of life’s most uncomplicated joys. The forecast calls for room temperature, the stench of body odor on the subway falls from No. 1 in the things-that-smell-bad-on-the-subway rankings, and the full breadth of my closet unveils itself to me. If only for a few weeks, my loafers, sweaters, leather boots, and summer-weight cotton all coexist in a glut of possibilities that some savvy mid-aughts editor thought to dub the “Transitional Wardrobe.” It stuck.
The Transitional Wardrobe’s prototypical items — breathable snap cardigans, Rory Gilmore–esque lug-sole loafers — are ubiquitous, but this fall, mine orbits around a new, undersung entry: pantaloons. I cannot stop wearing them.The Gilded Age–type pants are my perfect outfit X-factor, adding dimension, femininity, and my preferred dose of goofed-up zaniness to my outfits, ushering my minidresses and paper-thin cotton shirts into October. I wanted more — and so begins my search for their platonic ideal.
For now, while retailers are still slow to see the light inherent to pantaloon wearing, the garment remains relegated largely to either pajama or costume. I need a pair that feels like neither. One that’s well tailored, preferably with a low profile for layering, crafted from a material opaque enough to obscure the color of my underwear. Nothing synthetic, like I might have pulled it from a plastic sheet at Spirit Halloween, and although it is a Regency-era garment, I want a pantaloon that looks like it wouldn’t flinch at the site of an iPhone, infused with modernity and without any suggestion of “yo-ho-ho.” I’m also awarding bonus points for notable ruffles and/or pleats because, duh, I am not a monster.
The ones that didn’t quite cut it
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When I say “Spirit Halloween,” this is what I mean. This pair is walking up to the bar and ordering mulled wine and a turkey leg without blinking an eye, with a comically voluminous silhouette and a lace hem detail that recalls a Victorian baby’s christening gown. They’re made from a blend of polyester and nylon that feels very much like it’s a blend of polyester and nylon. But despite all of that, I still kind of didn’t hate having them on. They’re pantaloons, and I am telling you, I am obsessed with pantaloons.
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Sonderhaus Ysidra Pants
My perfect doll-like friend wears the brand’sSlow Down Setto sleep most nights and recommended Sonderhaus as a pantaloons purveyor. With my first browse of a bottoms’ department overflowing with bloomers, its bona fides were immediately evident and I opted for theYsidra Pants. The quality is top-notch, crafted from bright-white organic cotton and tailored impeccably, but they’re otherwise wanting. They veer too far into pajama territory for daywear, their full length doesn’t lend itself well to layering, and ultimately they’re another pair of pants. (I thought the cuffs would be cinchable to make them more pantaloonlike, but that bow is fixed.)
[Editor’s note: These bloomers are sold as part of a set.]
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Brooklyn Heights’s little slice of the 18th century, Salter House was a can’t-miss for this endeavor. Nestled between thetiny broomsandcandle snuffersand frankly darlinghorse combsis a wardrobe of handmade separates, replete with pantaloons. I picked a pair in batiste cotton and swapped the soccer jersey I’d worn in the shop for a matching sleeveless button-down. The fabric felt wonderful, breathable and soft, but was far too sheer and tailored in a woefully unflattering way.
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This is my least favorite pair in the bunch. They’re 100 percent polyester, the ruffled detail hangs limp like wilted lettuce, and the shape made me look irreparably lumpy. Not even polka dots and pockets could save them.
The runner-up
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Best known for its ethereal, naturalisticjewelry, Chan Luu also offers a small line of clothing. Its aesthetic is extremely aspirational to me, with a mix of playfully patterned cotton sets and sexy sheer sequined tunics projecting exactly the sense of “should we get massages?” that I really hope to engender. When I ordered theFisherman Shorts, they rose to the top of my theoretical rankings. They feature the most thoughtful design details, perfectly pleated in panels at the front and back with a shorter crop I was excited to style. Upon wearing them, though, my dreams were dashed. They’re beautiful, but they’re completely sheer. If I tucked a newspaper in the waistband, you could read the headlines on my butt, no problem.
The winner
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You know them from your mom’s mailbox (and recycling bin); your one-stop shop forCharlie Brown towelsand afive-pound fruitcakealso makes my perfect pantaloons. Snow-white cotton that shields the logo of my Calvin Klein briefs, slightly cropped to an ideal length for layering, and complete with a darling self-tie ribbon detail at the hem. And the best part? At $69.95 for the matching set, they’re the least expensive on my list. Throw in somechocolate rum ballsand you’ve got free shipping.
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