No matter what your (or your partner’s) vibe is.
Photo: Courtesy of CBS
You’ve scoured the Strategist and found the perfect
Valentine’s Day gift, but the card is equally as important. How do you think a drugstore card will look to the Tony’s Chocolonely chocolate bar you gifted her? Or next to the Jaxon Lane Bro Mask you got him? Gifts as thoughtful, and unique, and well-curated deserve a card to match, so, respectfully, we’ve banned anything from Hallmark or American Greetings from this list. Instead, we’ve rounded up the most tasteful, punny, and slightly suggestive Valentine’s Day cards — all of which you can buy on Amazon, and most with two-day shipping (which is arguably even more convenient than popping into the drugstore on the way home). While many are geared toward romantic relationships, there are also a few cards on this list of for friends, kids (or a child-like adult), and even blank cards you could give to literally anyone. Spread the love with one the funny, punny, crafty, romantic, or retro Valentine’s cards, below.
Hot Stuff Valentine's Day Card
This card is blank inside, so there’s plenty of room to leave a spicy note.
Nugs and Kisses Valentine’s Day Card
Do a bait-and-switch by giving your date this card — then taking them to a Michelin-starred joint.
6 God Happy Valentine's Day Card
Drake might not have found the one but at least you have.
I Love You More Than Pizza Valentine's Day Card
Sweet for couples whose idea of a romantic evening is a large pepperoni.
Octopus Valentine's Day Card
Manifest your down-under fantasy with this cheeky card.
Snoring Loud AF Valentine's Day Card
Use the holiday to drop a not-so-subtle hint (then send them
Never Find Your Body Valentine's Day Card
For the person you binge-watched
You with. (And, for the record, the whole card reads, “They will never find your body … as hot as I do!”)
Naughty Valentine's Day Card
For your sexy valentine who is also a copy editor.
The Office Valentine's Card
Lick Me Till Ice Cream!
The old “ice cream/I scream” pun does it every time.
You Otter Be With Me Card
Drama Llama Postcard Book — Set of 12
This book of postcards has plenty of puns for every type of valentine, including your “palentine,” all illustrated with adorable llamas.
Llama and Cactus Boho Buddies Valentine Variety Pack
If you want llamas with a bit more edge, there are also these postcards, which feature a combination of cactus puns and llama puns and sometimes llama-cactus puns.
Funny Anniversary Card
You can also celebrate the fact that you and your partner still actually enjoy each other’s company.
Cherry Blossom Pop Up Valentine's Day card
The only thing that would make this card more perfect is if it opened up and sang your names, “sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
Hedgehog Pop Up Valentine's Day Card
Even if you’re prickly on the outside, this card will show where your heart truly lies.
You're FIRE Pop Up Valentine's Day Card
For the couple that only communicates in emojis.
PopLife Flower Bouquet & Vase Pop Up Card
The paper bouquet on this card doesn’t give you much room to write, but the intricately designed flowers should do most of the talking anyway.
Love Greeting Cards — High End Handmade Wooden Card
This hand-carved wooden card has a nice heft to it, if you’re looking for a card that’s going to be easy to display.
Jumbo Bear Card
giant bear card is two feet by three feet (check the price) and would be the ideal accompaniment to a Valentine’s Day gift of, say, a convertible.
Kids Valentines Cards Set with Temporary Tattoos
Hopefully your love is more permanent than the temporary tattoos that come with these valentines.
Slime Valentines Day Cards
Slime has proven to be a timeless toy, so there really is no better token to represent your love.
Flying Airplane Valentines
What adult man (or woman, for that matter) wouldn’t want to turn a valentine into an airplane?
Valentines Cards for Kids: A Creative Valentine Card Exchange Coloring Book
This kids’ coloring book is therapeutic way for adults to make personalized cards, too.
Scratch & Sniff Strawberry Valentines
Strawberry-scented scratch-and-sniff cards will bring ‘em back to elementary school.
Peaceable Kingdom Scratch and Sniff Kitten Valentines - 28 Strawberry Scented Card Pack
There are also these strawberry-scented cat cards.
Unomor Valentine’s Day Cards for Kids
Whether you love someone a latte or just want to wish them a yummy Valentine’s Day.
Peaceable Kingdom Funny Valentine 28-Card Super Packs, in Cootie Catcher
These cootie catchers are DIY valentines, fortune tellers, and if nothing else, a way to spark a conversation.
Valentine Cards — 12-Pack
Even though you can’t give them Sweethearts, the candy, this year, you can give them cards with Sweethearts on them.