painless shopping

37 (Funny, Unusual, Artful, Tasteful) Valentine’s Cards You Can Buy on Amazon

No matter what your (or your partner’s) vibe is. Photo: Courtesy of CBS

You’ve scoured the Strategist and found the perfect Valentine’s Day gift, but the card is equally as important. How do you think a drugstore card will look to the Tony’s Chocolonely chocolate bar you gifted her? Or next to the Jaxon Lane Bro Mask you got him? Gifts as thoughtful, and unique, and well-curated deserve a card to match, so, respectfully, we’ve banned anything from Hallmark or American Greetings from this list. Instead, we’ve rounded up the most tasteful, punny, and slightly suggestive Valentine’s Day cards — all of which you can buy on Amazon, and most with two-day shipping (which is arguably even more convenient than popping into the drugstore on the way home). While many are geared toward romantic relationships, there are also a few cards on this list of for friends, kids (or a child-like adult), and even blank cards you could give to literally anyone. Spread the love with one the funny, punny, crafty, romantic, or retro Valentine’s cards, below.

Funny and punny Valentine’s cards

Hot Stuff Valentine's Day Card

This card is blank inside, so there’s plenty of room to leave a spicy note.

Nugs and Kisses Valentine’s Day Card

Do a bait-and-switch by giving your date this card — then taking them to a Michelin-starred joint.

6 God Happy Valentine's Day Card

Drake might not have found the one but at least you have.

I Love You More Than Pizza Valentine's Day Card

Sweet for couples whose idea of a romantic evening is a large pepperoni.

Octopus Valentine's Day Card

Manifest your down-under fantasy with this cheeky card.

Snoring Loud AF Valentine's Day Card

Use the holiday to drop a not-so-subtle hint (then send them this link).

Never Find Your Body Valentine's Day Card

For the person you binge-watched You with. (And, for the record, the whole card reads, “They will never find your body … as hot as I do!”)

Naughty Valentine's Day Card

For your sexy valentine who is also a copy editor.

The Office Valentine's Card

Say no more.

Lick Me Till Ice Cream!

The old “ice cream/I scream” pun does it every time.

You Otter Be With Me Card

These are made of wood, so they’re on the pricier side, but the illustrations and puns are worth it. (There’s also “I Whale Love You” and “I Love You a Whole Latte.”)

Drama Llama Postcard Book — Set of 12

This book of postcards has plenty of puns for every type of valentine, including your “palentine,” all illustrated with adorable llamas.

Llama and Cactus Boho Buddies Valentine Variety Pack

If you want llamas with a bit more edge, there are also these postcards, which feature a combination of cactus puns and llama puns and sometimes llama-cactus puns.

Funny Anniversary Card

You can also celebrate the fact that you and your partner still actually enjoy each other’s company.

Crafty Valentine’s cards

Cherry Blossom Pop Up Valentine's Day card

The only thing that would make this card more perfect is if it opened up and sang your names, “sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

Hedgehog Pop Up Valentine's Day Card

Even if you’re prickly on the outside, this card will show where your heart truly lies.

You're FIRE Pop Up Valentine's Day Card

For the couple that only communicates in emojis.

PopLife Flower Bouquet & Vase Pop Up Card

The paper bouquet on this card doesn’t give you much room to write, but the intricately designed flowers should do most of the talking anyway.

Love Greeting Cards — High End Handmade Wooden Card

This hand-carved wooden card has a nice heft to it, if you’re looking for a card that’s going to be easy to display.

Unusual Valentine’s cards

Jumbo Bear Card

This giant bear card is two feet by three feet (check the price) and would be the ideal accompaniment to a Valentine’s Day gift of, say, a convertible.

Valentine’s cards meant for kids (but great for adults)

Kids Valentines Cards Set with Temporary Tattoos

Hopefully your love is more permanent than the temporary tattoos that come with these valentines.

Slime Valentines Day Cards

Slime has proven to be a timeless toy, so there really is no better token to represent your love.

Flying Airplane Valentines

What adult man (or woman, for that matter) wouldn’t want to turn a valentine into an airplane?

Valentines Cards for Kids: A Creative Valentine Card Exchange Coloring Book

This kids’ coloring book is therapeutic way for adults to make personalized cards, too.

Scratch & Sniff Strawberry Valentines

Strawberry-scented scratch-and-sniff cards will bring ‘em back to elementary school.

Peaceable Kingdom Scratch and Sniff Kitten Valentines - 28 Strawberry Scented Card Pack

There are also these strawberry-scented cat cards.

Unomor Valentine’s Day Cards for Kids

Whether you love someone a latte or just want to wish them a yummy Valentine’s Day.

Peaceable Kingdom Funny Valentine 28-Card Super Packs, in Cootie Catcher

These cootie catchers are DIY valentines, fortune tellers, and if nothing else, a way to spark a conversation.

Valentine Cards — 12-Pack

Even though you can’t give them Sweethearts, the candy, this year, you can give them cards with Sweethearts on them.