What Do I Get My Boring Father-in-Law?
In September, we asked actress, comedian, and writer Amy Sedaris to be our first-ever gifting columnist. Forty readers wrote in for help with their toughest giftees — the 13-year-old daughter who only wants Taylor Swift concert tickets, the millennial daughter-in-law who doesn’t like clutter, the aunt who’s a borderline hoarder. We sent all the requests along to Amy, who handpicked a handful to answer. Below, her final batch of suggestions for a minimalist daughter-in-law, spunky health-care workers, and a boring father-in-law.
Dear Amy,
My daughter-in-law is wonderful. But she is also a millennial and a minimalist. (So is her husband.) She doesn’t like jewelry at all — doesn’t even wear a wedding ring. Thinks if she has one tote bag, she doesn’t need another one, even if it’s the cutest Baggu ever. Definitely doesn’t want a quirky or “interesting” objet; to her, those things are just clutter. I’ve had a little luck with nice sweaters (black, gray, or sage, of course). She has little time for personal interests, but she and her friends did once get together for dinner — to discuss a poet they all like. You will see why I am desperate. Yes, I put a nice gift card in her stocking … but I also want something she can unwrap and be delighted by. Help! —Helpless Mother-in-Law
Dear Helpless Mother-in-Law,
I’d buy her a hand mirror so she can take a long hard look at herself and come out of her shell. If you don’t want to buy one, you could always make one out of cardboard and tinfoil. Otherwise, fancy mouthwash or soap, a housecleaning service, or an assortment of fermented foods.
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Dear Amy,
Recs for my social-work and health-care peers who have lots of spunk (ummm) and heart. Thanks! —Nurse Goodbody
Dear Nurse Goodbody,
Health-care workers love to snack. I recommend Li-Lac dark-chocolate-covered pretzels, Bonilla a la Vista canned potato chips, or a gift card to a local coffee shop. If they wash their hands a lot, Jurlique rose hand cream is really nice. Fishs Eddy also has a very pretty FUCK OFF dish towel, if they hate their patients.
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Dear Amy,
I need help finding a gift for my father-in-law. He’s 73 and loves reading technical business books and screeds by libertarians. Any ideas? —Nostalgic or Otherwise
Dear Nostalgic or Otherwise,
Hmmm, let’s see. A boring gift for a boring person. How about a big bottle of Japanese whiskey and an old map?
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