Is There a Better Way to Share the Bed?
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Welcome to Sleep Better Week on the Strategist, where we’re helping you find everything you need to get your best rest — from testing the most comfortable mattresses to asking nosy questions about other people’s sleep routines. For more, head to ourSleep Better Week hub.
Sleeping next to someone can be delightful — unless that someone runs hotter than you, snores like a farm animal, or wakes up several times in the night. “Sleep is very individualized, but when you’re sleeping with somebody, it almost always affects the other person,” says Teresa Power, a sleep coach and the founder of Sleep Better NYC. Things can get even more challenging if you’re dealing with medical conditions, conflicting schedules, or habits that disrupt each other’s rest.
Sometimes the easiest solution is to sleep apart. “Intimacy and closeness is very important for a relationship,” Power says. “But resentment can also build when you’re not sleeping well.” So if you have the option to sleep in another room and can communicate well about what’s working and what’s not, it can definitely be worth trying. However, if you don’t have the space to sleep separately or simply don’t want to, I’ve collected a variety of product recommendations that might make life with a less compatible bed partner bearable.
If you like a firm mattress, but they like it soft …
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The classic solution for partners with different firmness preferences for their mattress is the split king, which is basically two twin-XL mattresses put together to make a standard king. That way, one side can be firmer or softer than the other. It’s relatively common for a mattress company to sell split kings, but if your preferred brand doesn’t offer one, you can make your own by ordering two twin XLs with different firmnesses (just make sure that the dimensions are standard and the heights are the same). A standard-kingbed framewill fit two twin XLs, so you shouldn’t need to purchase a special one.
Other split-king mattresses with multiple firmnesses
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The drawback of most split kings is that, because they aren’t one cohesive mattress, the “crack” between the two might be uncomfortable. A gap-filler, or twin-to-king converter, can help fill that space.
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If you don’t want to deal with putting two mattresses together, a few mattress-makers offer an “internal split,” where each side has a different firmness. This type of dual-firmness mattress is less common, but Nest and Naturepedic are two reputable companies that sell it. And while Nest offers only an internal-split king, if your bedroom can’t fit a king-size bed, Naturepedic can also make an internal-split queen.
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For those with a bigger budget, an adjustable air bed will also accommodate partners with different firmness preferences. Sleep Number is the most well-known brand for this type of mattress, but Saatva, which makes ourlong-running favorite “regular” mattress, has its own version called the Solaire.
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Helix Dual Comfort Mattress Topper With GlacioTex - Queen
If you aren’t ready toreplace your mattress, the cheapest way to achieve two different firmnesses on the same mattress might be Helix’s Dual Comfortmattress topper. It’s a memory-foam topper that’s designed with one soft side and one firm side, and my husband, Sam, and I recently slept on it for about a week. The difference between the two sides isn’t night and day, but it’s definitely noticeable. I slept on the softer side, and I could feel my body sinking deeper into the foam than when I rolled over to the firm side. Sam likes a firmer mattress than I do and confirmed that my side was softer and squishier; he preferred the slightly firmer, less sink-y feel on his side.
If you run hot, but they’re always cold …
Switching out your bedding is the easiest answer. One option is theScandinavian sleep method, in which each person has their ownduvetor blanket; Strategist writer Dominique Pariso, a hot sleeper, swears by this approach. Another option is to choose a dual-temperature duvet that is designed so that one side is warmer than the other. Senior writer Lauren Ro recommends the Crane & Canopy Dual Comforter in her guide to thebest comforters. Coop also makes an adjustable one that lets you remove a layer on either side to make it more lightweight; my husband and I both appreciate that I can keep my side warmer without making him overheat. You could also try Ervét’s Split-Duvet Bundle, which essentially combines a dual-temp comforter with the Scandi method: It comes with two comforter inserts that attach with magnets and can go inside a singleduvet cover.
If you’re looking for a more precise or streamlined way to address different temperature preferences — and you’re willing to spend some serious money — atemperature-controlled sleep systemcan make each side of the bed a different temperature.
The Eight Sleep Pod and Chilipad use water to control the temperature and fit over the mattress like a mattress protector, while the Perfectly Snug uses air and is more like an actual mattress topper. I’ve tried all three and found them very effective.
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TheBedJetis another temperature-control system, but instead of changing the temperature of the mattress surface, it blows air under the bedding like an air conditioner or space heater for your sheets. If you want to limit the temperature change to one side of the bed, you can place the air nozzle closer to the hot sleeper or use BedJet’sDual Zone Cloud Sheetto cool only one side. BedJet also sells acouples bundle, which includes two BedJet units and the Dual Zone Cloud Sheet, so each partner has full control over their side.
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For an even more extravagant option, Tempur-Pedic makes a mattress with built-in air temperature controls, including the ability to control the temperature on each side independently. I haven’t gotten the chance to sleep on this bed, but I tried it at a showroom and was very impressed.
If their snoring keeps you up at night …
According to Power, if one partner issnoringoften enough that it’s routinely waking the other, it’s crucial to investigate the cause of the snoring itself — even though snoring is common, it’s not necessarily harmless. There are some lifestyle factors you can change to try to reduce snoring, like avoiding alcohol. “Alcohol causes inflammation, and we also see that it increases snoring because it relaxes our muscles, including our airway muscles,” Power says. You can also tweak your sleep position with the help of specialty pillows. But Power cautions that if none of these work, the snoring partner should get tested for sleep apnea, a medical condition that not only leads to disrupted sleep but can increase blood pressure, affect oxygen levels, and cause cardiovascular problems.
“Most people have a tendency to snore when they’re on their back just because of gravity. It makes your airway collapse,” Power says. If the snoring partner is able to sleep on their side instead of their back, that may keep their airway open and prevent the snoring. A specializedside-sleeper pillow,pregnancy pillow, orbody pillowcan help someone train themselves to sleep on their side.
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Helix Wedge Pillow
Awedge pillowcan also help keep the snorer’s airways open.
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There are plenty of otheranti-snoring-pillowdesigns out there, like theSnorinator. I had some success with this one, as a light snorer myself, though it takes some getting used to.
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Saatva Adjustable Base Plus - Queen
Anadjustable bed basecan also elevate the body and reduce snoring. However, a standard adjustable base that raises both sleepers may not be preferable, unless you both like sleeping slightly upright. A split-king adjustable base is designed to work with a split king — the two twin-XL mattresses put together to form a king — and allows each side to move independently.
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Power also suggested trying a variety of “color noises” to find which ones best block sound and help you sleep. These are similar to white noise but at different frequencies. A sound machine like theLectroFanwill let you cycle through various sounds to find your favorite.
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Alpine Silence Earplugs
A good pair ofearplugscan also do wonders.
If you go to bed early, but they are a night owl …
Whether you and your partner have opposite work schedules or simply prefer different bedtimes, Power advises planning ahead to prevent waking each other. If you need to get up and leave while your partner is still sleeping, set your clothes out ahead of time — ideally in another room where you can get dressed without disturbing them. Don’t forget to also keep quiet through the rest of your morning routine by prepping your breakfast, programming thecoffee makerahead of time, and doing whatever else you can to reduce noise.
Power emphasized the importance of keeping the lights off, too. Avoid turning on theBig Lightor scrambling around with your phone’s abrasive flashlight by getting anightlightor a portable lamp for your bedroom.
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Meanwhile, the partner who is trying to sleep undisturbed definitely needs asound machine, as footsteps or a door creaking are much less likely to register if the room isn’t completelysilent to begin with.
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If blasting white noise isn’t enough, consider sleep headphones. The Soundcore and Ozlo sleep earbuds are just like AirPods or any other Bluetooth earbud but designed to fit more comfortably in your ear when it’s pressed against your pillow.
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If you don’t want somethinginyour ear, try the over-the-ear LC-dolida sleep headphones or SilkSound sleep mask. The SilkSound sleep mask has the bonus of blocking light, too.
A vibration-alarm-clock wristband, which is designed for very heavy sleepers and deaf or hard-of-hearing people, can wake the early riser without disturbing the one who’s sleeping in. If you already own afitness tracker, you may even be able to use that — Apple Watches, Garmins, and Fitbits have vibration-alarm capabilities. If the later sleeper wears asleep mask, you can try pairing the vibration with asunrise alarm clock, which uses light as another cue to wake up.
If you like complete darkness, but they like a nightlight …
Speaking ofsleep masks, they are your obvious best bet if you and your partner disagree about having complete darkness in your bedroom.
An over-the-head pillow or weighted eye pillow can also create a blackout effect while also providing the soothing benefits of subtle weight.
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A good set ofblackout curtainswill ensure light from the outside doesn’t seep into your bedroom.
For extra credit, use tape or stickers to cover any blinking lights on electronics in your bedroom.
And if you do use a nightlight, choose one with a red or an amber light.Red lighthas long wavelengths and appears less bright, so it’s thought to be less disruptive to sleep than blue light, which is the kind of light that comes from the sun and signals our brains to wake up.
More From Sleep Better Week
- Welcome to Sleep Better Week
- What’s the Least You Can Spend on a Good Bed? (Frame and Mattress Included.)
- If You Don’t Know What Kind of Mattress You Want, Try a Medium-Firm Hybrid
- Unisom Was the Only Thing That Helped My Pregnancy Insomnia
The Strategistis designed to surface useful, expert recommendations for things to buy across the vast e-commerce landscape. Every product is independently selected by our team of editors, whom you can read abouthere. We update links when possible, but note that deals can expire and all prices are subject to change.
