this thing's incredible

Now Seems Like a Good Time to Tell the World Why I Love My Bidet

Photo: courtesy of the retailer

I went to Sakagura for my birthday party in 2012 because I wanted to use its toilet. I’d seen only one Toto at that point, years before, and I was a little obsessed. With the help of Toto’s toilet locator, my birthday gave me the opportunity to try it again. A few weeks later, things got even better when a friend told me about the Coco washlet, a bidet built into a toilet seat. It had all the warming bells and spritzing whistles of the Toto, but for a much more affordable price. I got one immediately and turned what I thought was just a luxury into a bona fide necessity. Suddenly, using anything but just seemed barbaric.

In the eight years since, I’ve upgraded to a Toto Washlet and become even more obsessed. I post about my bidet on Instagram. I talk about it at cocktail parties over glasses of Champagne and canapés (at least I did back when it was still okay to go to cocktail parties). And I just can’t understand why so many Americans are so averse to it. If your hand accidentally brushed the contents of your baby’s diaper while changing it, would you rather smear it around with a dry napkin or get yourself to a sink with running water before eating a sandwich? Suddenly the idea of pushing paper into your rear seems downright silly. And if you’ve ever experienced bathroom distress, I don’t care how angel-soft your toilet paper claims to be: It can feel like the Devil himself has shown up and traded you a roll of sandpaper.

The bidet will help you through non-elimination issues as well. Don’t really feel like taking a shower one morning? You can knock out the important parts and walk out of the house confidently. It also helps when you’ve had a long day and could use a quick refresh before being intimate with your partner. And you’ve never experienced true luxury until coming home during a polar vortex to sit on a toasty seat and have warm air directed at your bits. And if that’s not enough, I’ll never have to worry about running out of toilet paper again.

My bidet

An under-$100 option

Tushy Classic 3.0 Bidet

You can preorder now for shipment by April 20. Tushy also offers a spa version for $30 more that allows you to use warm water. (Sounds worth it.)

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Now Seems Like a Good Time to Tell the World I Love My Bidet