this thing's incredible

The Baseball Hat for Sports Ignoramuses

“Hermit crabs use abandoned sea shells as mobile homes,” narrates the ever-British David Attenborough in a video of a clan of hermies in search of new homes. It’s an oddly powerful clip. It makes me as a human feel like a little beach bug. And it makes me want to buy a hat.

If you are like me, or know a person like me you’d like to buy a gift for: Ebbets Field Flannels are just the answer. EFF is a Seattle-based company that prides itself not only on the handcrafted quality of its product, but also the quality of its research. Their hats (they also make jerseys and jackets and such, but those are much less versatile) are made from a curated list of logos and designs that likely would’ve been lost to time. Take the very cute Surf Riders hat, from the San Francisco Surf Riders Coast Guard team. This hat, like all Ebbets hats, tells a story, but not one that demands constant sports following.

Is your name Oscar? Get this Osaka Tigers striped cap. EFF is also a good option if you want to rep where you’re living — whether it be L.A. or Brooklyn — but don’t want to support its sports team because you’re actually from Boston or Philadelphia. For my money, though (or, in this case, your money), you should get a hat with a funny animal on it! There’s a Snoopy hat or Woodstock hat that might be the perfect speed. (Charlie Brown isn’t an animal, but the spirit almost counts.)

There is one hat you shouldn’t get. And that is the 1950 Cuban Amateur League Cervezeria Polar cap. The logo is that of a then-local beer company, showing a polar bear that is also seemingly part Grimace, but in a chic way. I would like you to not buy this hat for you and/or your family member because it is mine, all mine. I wear this hat on Sundays, and it’s kind of become my signature piece. If I saw someone else wearing it, it’d ruin my day (a Sunday). I guess it’s okay if you don’t live in middle-west Brooklyn or any place I might go on vacation. That is unless, like a hermit crab, you’re open to tradesies.

Ebbets Field Flannel Cap

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The Baseball Hat for Sports Ignoramuses