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6 Clowns on the Gifts They Want for the Holidays

Clowns need gifts, too.

Finding the perfect holiday gift can be maddening (is this the color they’d want? Is it something they already have? Is it so last year?), but really, once you have a sense of a person’s taste, it’s not impossible. This season, we’ll be talking to members of various tribes to find out exactly what to get that college student, or serious home cook, or Star Wars fanatic in your life. Think of it as a window into their brain trust — or, at least, a very helpful starting point. For our latest installment, we reached out to a bunch of clowns (and one juggler) to find out what’s on their list for the holidays, which includes more than just red noses and rubber chickens (but it includes those, too), which might appeal to the goofball in your life.

“I would love a new clown nose and a Martin acoustic guitar. I have four clown noses already, but I have to admit, it’s fun to have a collection of them. The guitar I have as of now is a beautiful Ibanez, but I’m looking for a clearer, warmer sound, and Martins are perfect for that. My goal is to clown at a children’s hospital wearing a new clown nose and play on a Martin guitar for the patients.” — Liz Morgan, a.k.a. “Binky” at the Clown School

“What I want for the holidays is a new set of brass cups and balls as well as some yellow rope for my magic clown show. In the show, all of the magic happens by ‘accident.’ Since I’m a clown, I’m as astonished as my audience.” — Matt Felten, a.k.a. “Magical Me” at the Clown School

“This holiday season, I hope to adopt a new rubber chicken, and encourage you to do the same. Rubber chickens make great pets, as they are great with kids, require minimal walking, and will never make a mess on your carpet. Studies have also shown that having a rubber-chicken companion in your life reduces stress and increases longevity, making them perfect for children of all ages. This year, make your family a flock by adopting a rubber chicken. Note: If you are a fan of fried chicken, maybe a rubber fish is a better option for you. Rubber chickens are easily offended.” — Matthew Lish, a.k.a. “Phineas,” toured with Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus during their Final Farewell Tour

“A Tassimo coffee machine because I’m a bit of a coffee addict. During my last contract, it became a bit of a running joke just how often I would skateboard across town to buy a cup of coffee. While I love the ritual of making the trip to get that first cup, I’d love to make better coffee for myself at home and on the road.” — Jacob D’Eustachio, juggler

“I want an amazing spa day along with a 90-minute deep-tissue massage. I am the most difficult person to give presents to — holidays, birthdays, any occasion — but all I truly want is this.”   Barry Lubin, a.k.a. “Grandma,” with Big Apple Circus

“I would love gymnastics tumbling mats for the holidays. As a new teacher to the clown and physical-theater world, I’m still building up my ‘toolbox’ of class supplies. The mats are a crucial part of teaching students tumbling techniques, solo and partnered circus tricks, Grotowski’s ‘Cat,’ and slow-motion exploration. Having these mats will allow the students to learn on a padded surface before performing these techniques on other, much harder surfaces.” — Chae Chaput, a.k.a. “Pus” at the Clown School

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6 Clowns on the Gifts They Want for the Holidays